August 22, 2013
Tonight is the eve of my "baby" boy starting kindergarten.
My heart aches, my eyes water, I can't sleep, I can't breathe, I can't let go of his squishy little face, and I can't let go of him. As a parent of a child with special needs, I am overcome with worry for my son's future. What will mainstreaming him in a "normal" class setting bring? Will he be teased? Will he be bullied? Will he be safe? Will he be happy? Will he be scared? Of course I want the best learning enviroment for my baby, so he can continue to achieve his highest potential. But what will the outcome be? Are the risks too big? I think he will do great academically. He has such a thirst for knowledge and a quest for learning... (he blew me away during his kindergarten testing. It doesn't matter that he can read at a first grade level or remember every line in a movie)... He is Autistic, and that changes things.
As I reflect on the past 5 years, I recall so many moments that make my heart entirely melt and sing with joy, praise, and pride for each accomplishment. I remember the footsteps and laughter and the love that is forever. I also remember the heartache and the diagnosis. Afraid of making the wrong choice. Afraid of his future.
I have so many people to thank for the time they have spent teaching and preparing him, for this moment... This KINDERGARTEN MOMENT. Susie Bond, Jackie Swan, Dennis N Cynthia Gunn, Orlene Ovard-Snyder, Blue Roof Academy, Shaylee Potter, Chabree Potter, Janalee Potter, National Ability Center, Michelle Rose Schweiger, Karren Conna - Bobby Lawerance Karate, NS Recreation, Early Intervention of Utah and many more. But mostly, thank you for loving him and letting his adorable personality shine.
So tomorrow, I plan to savor his special day with photos and memories, hugs and tears. And one day, it is very possible the world will marvel, not only at what he has built, but the beauty that he added to the world.
Forever and ever love, mommy.